Sunday, January 25, 2009

My beach...My dream

It is hard to live in Los Angeles without a car or a license because it literally means no freedom. I go from a place (where public transportation is very available, walking will get one very far which means a car is not a necessity but a luxury) to a place where walking is no choice at all, public transportation requires a car and a can of teargas, and taxi is expensive. I feel crippled and imprisoned in my own life. In Sweden I had another type of imprisonment but at least I could go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I envy people like N., and S.F that whenever they feel like it they just drive wherever their hearts take them. I want to go somewhere where I get a break from everything, including myself. I am a person who loves to have people around me at all times. Before not long ago I could not do anything "social" by myself, I always needed the protection of friends but little by little I do things alone. I go for long walks by myself sometimes (with my heart racing because it is not exactly safe here), at school I would eat (when needed) by myself, work out by myself, make dinner and eat by myself more frequently, watch movies at home mostly alone, spend many days and nights alone and so on. At the end of the day this social butterfly needs to just get away from everyone and everything she knows. I need to change my environment, need to break free from this daily, weekly, monthly routine before I run in to the wall (by choice haha). I check my phone to see if there is anyone I can call, I find no one. I have 162 phone numbers but some are in other countries, others are in relationships, other just don't have space for me in their lives. So I sit in my room and close my eyes and dream myself faar away from here. The only company I need is my beauty Nala. She is with me on that white beach with the clear blue water that is calling me to just jump in. As I jump in, Nala stays on the beach (she hates water haha) chasing flies. I belong in the water, on that beach, with the sun stroking my face. This is where I want to be. I feel relaxed here...But it does not take long before my gray life calls me back and once again I just have to wait until I can close my eyes and go back to my own beach. One day that beach will become real, if I will be there by myself and Nala, or if I have someone with me, I will get to that beach! I refuse to give up on my dreams, I deserve them and no one will take them from me!! I hope you have your own dream and you pursuit it, don't ever give up on your own dream because you deserve it and your dream will never give up on you!!! Go for your aspiration and dreams and you will find true happiness, the way to fullfillment is long and hard but it will be worth it. Bye for now my darlings.



  1. Helt sjukt hur lika vi har det och tanker....!!
    Kanner exakt samma sak, vill ha min frihet att aka vart jag vill, jag var sa mkt ensam forut och njot av det, samtidigt som jag saknar att ha nagon att ringa...

    Jag finns alltid har i alla fall, i samma stad, att dela tankar och drommar :)!

    BTW, jag gjorde som du sa, tog tid for mig sjalv - tande en massa ljus, tappade upp ett varmt bad och lade en ansiktsmask...underbart skont!


  2. sweetie you still don't have a license? Me neither!!!